Edwin Chong
Electrical & Computer Engineering
Colorado State University
My biggest fear in life is this: uncertainty.
The academic life is full of uncertainties: getting papers published, getting grant proposals funded, the tenure process, and so on. Yet, it is a life I continue to choose. Why? I’m constantly trying to figure it out. Perhaps I’m afraid that life outside of academia is worse!
It has been this way since I was a child. I never knew if I’d graduate from high school, let alone college, or if my friends would like me, if I’d find a wife, or even if I’d live past thirty. Being raised in a Catholic family, going to Mass every Sunday, even faithfully saying my prayers every night before bedtime, I was well aware that the uncertainties of life were part and parcel of God’s handiwork. But the fear was still there.
In 1982, I left home for Adelaide, Australia, to attend my final two years of high school. It was rough. Through friendships with Christian international students, I started reading the Bible and attending weekly fellowship meetings.
Though I had often prayed since childhood, I did not have an intimate relationship with God, nor did I know much of what was written in the Bible. Over time, I began to realize that it’s possible to have a personal and intimate relationship with God through Christ. I yearned for this relationship, committing my life and future to Him with the knowledge of His faithfulness that I came to know through the Bible.
All through my years of college and graduate school the uncertainties of life no longer seemed like such a big deal. I married Yat-Yee, I received my Ph.D. from Princeton, and I joined the faculty at Purdue University.
Diagnosed With A Sacoma
In early 1994, I woke up one morning to find a lump in my right leg. Because of my hectic spring semester, it was not until May that I was diagnosed with a sarcoma, a relatively rare form of cancer.
The prognosis for my particular type and stage of tumor was not bright: less than a 25% five-year survivorship. I was 28 years old. Chances were high that I would not live past age 30.
My cancer treatment lasted many intensive months, with several surgeries, radiation therapy and finally chemotherapy. This ordeal was arguably more difficult to endure for Yat-Yee and my family than it was for me. During my treatments, a complication with a catheter that was used to deliver chemotherapy drugs into my heart developed into a condition known as septic shock.
I spent several days in the intensive care unit, where doctors monitored my internal organs for possible permanent damage. While I have no direct memory of the incident (except my stay at the intensive care unit), I was later told that my chances of survival through that event was only 50%, with a risk, even if I survived, of permanent damage to the heart, lung, or brain. As far as I can tell, no significant damage persists (but who really knows).
It has been 14 years since I was diagnosed with cancer. Typically, five years is considered a significant milestone for cancer survivors.
As I look back, I find it strange that I never thought to ask “Why?” Indeed, “Why not?” seemed a more appropriate response.
Life is uncertain. And I can live with that because of Jesus Christ.
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© 2008 Edwin Chong Used by permission of Faculty Commons