John Walkup, Emeritus Professor
Texas Tech University
Faculty Commons National Representative
It’s natural for us to want our students to develop themselves academically and to set goals. We really serve, in many ways, as their “academic parents.” It’s dangerous, however, to cross the line and start to pressure them to achieve goals that may not be in their best interests. This is an area in which much prayer is required.
To illustrate, I often had students at Texas Tech who wrote MS theses under my direction. By the time they neared completion of their research projects (some of which, by the way, would have qualified as Ph.D. dissertations with only a little more effort), I could tell if they had the combination of ability and drive to pursue the Ph.D. degree.
What Their Spouses Said
I recall several instances in which these students were married and let me know that their spouses were not enthusiastic about them continuing. Often the spouses were working while my students were studying full time, burning the midnight oil; you know the story. When students made it clear to me that their spouses weren’t enthusiastic about them continuing, I always faced a difficult decision that also brought back memories from my own grad school days.
My wife, Pat, and I met during our first quarter in graduate school. After we both finished our masters degrees, we were married and Pat taught for several years until our first daughter was born. Little did either of us realize at the time that we would be living in married student housing for six years while I finished my Ph.D. degree at Stanford.
Fortunately for me, Pat was very patient and supportive as I labored along, and the Lord taught both of us a lot of lessons about leaning on Christ during those six years. When I became a professor, however, I quickly learned that not all spouses were as patient as mine.
You Have The Ability. However…
Thus, I would often tell my students: “I would love to see you continue for the Ph.D. degree. There’s no question in my mind that you have the ability to do Ph.D. level research. However, your marriage is worth a lot more to your future happiness than whether or not you continue in graduate school. If you find that keeping your marriage strong means you can’t, at least at this time, pursue the degree, I’ll certainly understand.”
Was this a tough call on my part? You bet! I definitely lost some terrific students. On the other hand, I knew from experience that having a good marriage requires a team approach. If you’re believers in Christ, you both need to be convinced that a particular course of action is God’s will for your “one” life together.
Wanting God’s best for my students often meant not seeing them achieve a goal which I was fully convinced they were capable of achieving. Having gone through challenging times myself in graduate school — times when I wasn’t sure myself if I would ever get the Ph.D. degree I felt God wanted me to get — it was easier to trust Him to bring me good Ph.D. students when He felt I needed them.
Trusting the Lord to meet our needs for good students, yet being willing to set aside our own desires for our students in the interests of what’s best for them in a broader sense—all of this seems consistent with our calling to love our students with a Christlike love.
© 2006 John Walkup